my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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