I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
