so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
