What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize