coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
