it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize