I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
