Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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