Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
