Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
