You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
