Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
