remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
