OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I checked into jail on foursquare
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
