Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
