So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
