We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
