there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
