i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
