I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
