She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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