plz talk dirty to me
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
