do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
