Little spoons don't ask big questions
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
