I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
