maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My orgasm happened in two different decades
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
