Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
