Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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