I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize