Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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