ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
