I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
