I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
