I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
