They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
