So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
