So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
