He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
