Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
