Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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