Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
