I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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