at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
