I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
