Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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