Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm too high and old for this...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
