saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
thus making me awesome and them whores
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
