So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
