He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
