then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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