I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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