so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I love you. Go after that dick
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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