You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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