I cockslap morals
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
