Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
