break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
