I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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