I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
