I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
