Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
