I could have mohawked her pubes.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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