just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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