he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That accounts for only three of the penises
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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