Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
