I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
