Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
