You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My dick has a subreddit
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
