Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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