seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
