fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
