So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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