We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
