i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
