I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
