He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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