Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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