Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
