Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
