Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
